Anyone want to adopt a homeless, unemployed, hyperactive, un-medicated ADHD, nineteen year old kid? Preferably far from Austin, TX...

"Wagon Guy drives a Boostang" (gimmeboost) 07/09/2018 at 23:29 • Filed to: useless drama

2

43

Rainbow from my Saturday morning drive to San Antonio as a buffer image for a bunch of useless drama...

Sunday evening my youngest daughter (17) calls me up crying and asking if she can move in with me before school starts. Of course my answer was, “I will always have room for you if you need it.” I also advised her that we should sit down with her mom and talk about it before final decisions are made. So Wednesday I get to drive to Houston to get all of the details.

When I got off the phone with the kid, I called her mom to get more information. It seems they disagree on some things, like: No Marijuana, No the boyfriend can’t live in the same house, and yes there will be a curfew. All of these seem like reasonable rules for a 17 year old girl to be obeying. The ex-wife agreed that we can sit down with the daughter and talk about things. I want to make sure that the kid feels like she’s being heard, but that under no condition are the rules going to vanish because she moves in with me.

Then tonight the kid called me again. Her question was just as shot, but this time came with an explanation. “My boyfriend is currently homeless. When I move in with you could he stay with us? it would be no more than a month until he got an apartment of his own...” The answer to this was no. I told her I anticipated that this would be coming, but we can talk about it, though my answer is no and is unlikely to change. This boy is supposedly the one ge tting my daughter to try Marijuana, among other things. Since he’s been in her life her friends no longer come around, and don’t seem to spend any time with her.

I have met this “young man” and even had dinner with him. He needs help. More help than I would ever be prepared to provide to him. He’s 19, not in school, supposedly working construction with his dad, but homeless. He has ADHD but refuses to take medication for it. This is not a smart kid. I do not want him acting as a boat anchor around my daughter’s neck. Sunday the daughter put him on the phone with me, as if talking to him was going to help my already solid answer of “yes my daughter can stay with me”. It only highlighted for me that while I was going to be polite to him, I don’t want him around.

If anyone wants this kid I won’t take in, let me know. I’ll get you his phone number...

Berang > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 00:10

11

Be honest, tell her that of the long list of first mistakes one can make in a relationship, “I can fix them” is the absolute worst.  It’s often a harmless mistake to make with somebody who is just a friend, but it is the worst mistake to make with somebody you want to be in a relationship with.

My bird IS the word > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 00:12

1

Yeah that one is a solid no. No strangers in my house ever.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > Berang 07/10/2018 at 00:14

1

yep.

None of the family likes this kid. None of us can see what apparently my daughter does, and if she’s trying to “fix” him I want nothing to do with it.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > My bird IS the word 07/10/2018 at 00:14

1

agreed!

Spaceball-Two > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 00:15

17

My soon to be brother in law works fishing boats in Alaska. I could probably get him a one way ticket.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > Spaceball-Two 07/10/2018 at 00:23

5

SOLD!

gettingoldercarguy > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 00:30

6

Fuck, I don’t envy that position in parenting man. My quick advice is to find a psychologist to help you navigate these waters. I know there is a stigma for that advice, but I view them as attorneys for social situations. They can pass on a lot of information on stats with what potentially happens. You have to mesh that into your situation.

I think him staying for a month will turn into a couple of years.

My citroen won't start > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 00:31

1

I had never heard of curfews for 17 year olds.

But full yes to the rest.

Also, get the help of a good psychoanalyst or psychiatrist if this situation escalates.

Mercedes Streeter > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 00:33

4

Considering my saga with saving people who are too stupid or high to take care of themselves from homelessness, I’ll pass.

And if he’s as bad as he sounds, I hope your daughter gets rid of him before he makes her life fall apart. My aforementioned one got so bad that I tried to hurt myself and I lost my sanctuary. :(

Tristan > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 00:35

6

No. No one does. And the quicker he learns that, the better adult he might someday become.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > Mercedes Streeter 07/10/2018 at 00:38

1

Oh me too. The absolutely funny part is that he knows she wants to be a doctor and admits that “she’s going places”. I think he just wants to ride her coat tails.

Chuckles > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 00:38

7

A month quickly turns into a few months the turns into forever. When I was 21 I had my own place and I let two of my friends (19 & 20) stay there because they’d be homeless otherwise. I gave them a place to sleep, shower, eat, but I made them leave when I went to work, locked up the house, and they couldn’t get back in until I got home around 7pm. Not ideal, but it kept them off the street and they’d hopefully spend the day job hunting. It turns out that after I'd leave for work, they'd climb back in through the window of my second floor apartment, play video games all day, and then sneak out right before I got home. So much for trying to do a good thing.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > gettingoldercarguy 07/10/2018 at 00:42

1

oh yeah. Daughter sees a therapist already, but needs to be ready to hear the no answer from both me and her mother. We’re done with this kid. It’s one thing when he was just a “friend” but under “boyfriend” status he’s been a bad influence and we just won’t have it. My kid is smart, gets good grades, and wants to be a doctor. Bad influences need not apply.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > Chuckles 07/10/2018 at 00:49

1

ugh. No thanks. It would be one thing for me to do a nice thing for someone I liked, or someone with family ties, and I’ve done it before, but not for this kid I’m neither related to, nor like.

I have two ex-wives. When my first ex was jobless and about to be homeless and my oldest daughter lived with me, I took in her mother for a couple of months. Gave her a place to stay until she got a job and an apartment. It took several months. BUT it was important to my daughter that her mother get some help so I did it.

That said, I’m still not taking in someone else’s problem...

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > My citroen won't start 07/10/2018 at 00:51

5

A reasonable curfew on school nights isn’t unusual or uncalled for. Daughter sees a therapist now, and that will continue, no matter where she lives.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > Tristan 07/10/2018 at 00:51

1

agreed.

Alfalfa > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 01:08

3

Well fortunately for your daughter she has structure and discipline from both sides. My wife's siblings didn't care for those things and realized they could move in with their mother and basically do what they wanted. Neither of them have turned out very well.

DipodomysDeserti > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 01:21

12

Send him to Arizona to pay a visit to Uncle Skychismo. I have a great cure for shittyboyfrienditis.

For real though, if the kid is homeless he’s probably doing a lot more than smoking weed (probably heroin). Handle that shit swiftly, my friend.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > DipodomysDeserti 07/10/2018 at 01:26

7

LOL!

The ex and I are both former Army. I’m just shocked that the kid has been allowed to hang around this long, and I’m sure her cracking down on him is part of the issue that our daughter is having.

I often tell the girls that I have a shovel and a back yard. They looked at me funny last time I said that, so I reminded them that it’s a good spot to bury missing boyfriends...

TheRealBicycleBuck > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 06:36

1

I was going to offer a shotgun... 

pip bip - choose Corrour > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 06:36

1

thanks but no thanks.

random001 > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 06:46

5

Despite driving a murdermachine, you seem like a pretty decent guy.  Internet bro hug.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > random001 07/10/2018 at 06:56

0

thanks

jkm7680 > DipodomysDeserti 07/10/2018 at 07:20

2

That exactly. People are homeless for a reason and major addiction and dependence is probably it in this place.

Under_Score > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 08:39

1

I can tell there are issues on his end if he can’t live at home. However, if he really needs a place to stay, far away. I pass this sometimes when I’m with my mom, so I could check on him, too!

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/3550-E-Paulding-Dr-B-Dallas-GA-30157/2107467502_zpid/

Hamtractor > DipodomysDeserti 07/10/2018 at 08:40

2

Professor Skychismo, surely you and I could open a “treatment program” for wayward boyfriends.  I have a 20 year old daughter who briefly dated a guy who turned out to be a junkie, and after a brief “discussion”, he is no longer around.  She still pines for a him a little bit, she’s a bit dramatic, too many romance novels and the like, so she thinks he just needs somebody to love him until he straightens up, but he won’t be back...

f86sabre > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 08:42

1

I have seen similar playout in my family and it has not ended well at all. Addiction. Kids. Absent father. Jail.  Most times all of the above.  As mentioned, ended it as best you can.  Teens want to help people, and that is noble, but they are not the ones who should be providing the help. 

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > My citroen won't start 07/10/2018 at 08:46

1

I grew up with a curfew until I was off to college. I could always skirt it by “staying over” at a friends house, but there was still a curfew. So yeah, it makes sense. And this is from the time before cell phones were convenient.

My parents never said it, but I’ve heard it said, and it rings true...  nothing good happens after midnight.  As I think back, for the most part that’s correct, and as a teen, it was definitely correct.  Decision making skills slide a bit later in the night, so it makes sense.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 08:53

1

Someone needs to drop a dime to the police on this “kid” at a strategic time. A little time in jail might (unlikely, but worth a try) turn his life around and will get him out of your daughter’s life during a critical transition period as she starts college. He needs to be solidly gone before that point.

It sucks, but I have yet to see one of these types change. My brother has serious psychological problems and when he’s out of jail he has substance abuse problems he can’t control. Has been in/out regularly for about 15 years now. I couldn’t imagine trying to start a critical period of life with someone like that leeching off me.

My ex was totally free of substance abuse, but she was hopelessly incapable of handling money or being trusted with it, so it was my equivalent of learning the lesson your daughter needs to learn . They cover shortcomings by exploiting relationships with those that believe (often subconsciously) they can help them fix their problems, but you simply can’t fix their problems because they keep getting into them if they’re not forced to face the   consequences of their [ in] actions.

Oh yes: No.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 08:59

1

Good luck to you. This is a crap situation for sure. Hopefully your daughter can realize she doesn’t need this type of person in her life and that, seems her friends already do.

As a man, and even remembering back to my stupid teenage self, I cannot imagine asking a GFs parents if I could live with them. I’d be embarrassed at the thought. Kids got to get his shit together. Sounds like he doesn’t have any family support either, or he’d have a roof over his head. So there is definitely more to the story here. Parents don’t just give their kids the boot if their fine upstanding kids. You guys being Army folks, maybe that’s the answer for this kid. Sign him up for the service and let them help him grow up a bit.

A coworker of mine had a similar situation, but his daughter was almost graduating college when she got hooked up with her waste of a man. But the guy got his shit together and ended up joining the marines and turned out to be a fine young man.

I’m rambling now...  good luck to you.  You’ve got the right idea, don’t be afraid to stick to your guns, you’re the one who has their head on straight.

DipodomysDeserti > Hamtractor 07/10/2018 at 09:33

3

We have a loooot of desert out here with which to house those patients for whom treatment is ineffective .

functionoverfashion > Berang 07/10/2018 at 09:52

2

Be honest, tell her that of the long list of first mistakes one can make in a relationship, “I can fix them” is the absolute worst.

I have not shared details on oppo for several reasons, but I know this to be absolutely true. I’ll leave it at that.

functionoverfashion > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 09:53

1

You’re doing the right thing. Keep your head up.

someassemblyrequired > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 10:07

1

Never understood why girls were attracted to “project men.” But her friends disappearing is a major red flag. Is she working this summer? If not a full-time gig in a customer service job might be a good dose of the “real world.” Because telling a 17-yr old girl how the world works tends to not be well received - they kind of need to get there on their own.

Personally, I’d add some distance - flaky guys generally can’t handle long distance relationships.

My citroen won't start > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc 07/10/2018 at 11:18

2

I guess it makes sense.

At 17 my parents considered me more adult than teenager. I was to be trusted to make my own decisions, and that included getting home at 5 am, that was ok as long as I was fine. I never did anything truly stupid for them to question that trust.

A t 15 if I told them were I was and who was with me, they never complained.

Tapas > random001 07/10/2018 at 15:00

2

This^

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc 07/10/2018 at 17:55

1

I’m not sure that this kid completed high school, which would make him ineligible for service. He needs to go back to his parents with his hat in hand and beg them for help. I’ll take care of mine.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > Under_Score 07/10/2018 at 17:59

0

OK, that would be interesting. He’d have to figure out how to pay rent though. Not something I’m sure he knows how to do.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > pip bip - choose Corrour 07/10/2018 at 18:00

0

I would feel better if he were on your side of the world though.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 07/10/2018 at 18:02

1

Well...

I do happen to work for the Texas State Police, and I am friendly with a few drug interdiction agents...

Under_Score > Wagon Guy drives a Boostang 07/10/2018 at 18:19

0

I don’t even know about doing that yet and I’m about his age, but in a much more stable state of life  of course. If he’s so grown already that he’s homeless, I was just assuming that renting a place wouldn’t be an issue. Does he have a car; if so, he could buy a T@B or something and tow to random places for construction work?

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > Under_Score 07/10/2018 at 20:07

0

nope, no car. He keeps driving my daughter’s car. That’s got to stop too...

Hamtractor > DipodomysDeserti 07/11/2018 at 10:47

1

We may need to meet up over a fine bourbon to discuss developing a business model and securing investors.  I think the business model would be easy, we could just watch Casino and take some notes.